Perhaps if I had listened to him earlier, had I done so many things differently, I wouldn't be in this pit that I've found myself in. It came out of nowhere. This pit whose depth all of a sudden reaches far beyond what I am capable of hoisting myself out of. This pit that I never anticipated, never intended. The same pit that I dug with my own two hands.
Unfortunately it is impossible to dig in reverse--holes only become deeper as one continues to struggle and claw at their sides, desperately seeking a way out, all the while worsening their situation. The dictionary describes holes as hollow openings; cavities. Hollow. Empty. Sounds right. The ironic part is that I never realized I was even digging, much less that the deeper I dug, the more vastly I was consumed by the emptiness. Eventually I became too tired to dig anymore and sat down in exasperation. I looked up at my handiwork in horror--how did this happen?--and saw God poking his head over the edge. Beloved, are you ready to come out yet?
Tears pooled and stung my eyes, and I looked at my feet, ashamed. Yes I'm ready to come out. But how? I'm in so deep! There's no way out! There isn't a rope long enough to reach me down here.
Oh, my love. Don't you see? With me there's always a way out. The grace I offer is more abundant than the deepest hole you could ever dig. You don't need a rope. You need me, my child.
I cry out with relief as the floor of the hole rises up a few feet underneath me. I've got a ways to go before I'll be able to reach the edges, but things seem better now. Hours, even days go by, and I expect him to take a break, to leave me alone like I deserve, but there he sits, peering over the side, smiling at me. The floor of the hole continues to slowly rise, and as I sit there I begin to talk to him. I tell him how sorry I am for everything I've done. I cry as I tell him of my desire for love; how my heart aches to be cherished by someone. I ask him how much longer I must wait until I'll have someone to share my life on earth with and I beg him to make that time short. He listens as I tell him of broken relationships and suffocating loneliness. He sees my tears and I am surprised when he begins to weep with me. He says he knows that my heart hurts, and his aches with me. Beloved, he says, I am Sovereign, and through me all things are possible. I have incredible plans for you, dear one, plans that I will fulfill just as I have promised you. You were created to be in communion with me. I long for you to share your life with me, to cry with you when your heart aches and dance with you when you are overflowing with joy. You are mine and I love you more deeply than you can imagine.
He says these things and my heart begins to feel lighter. There are billions of people on this planet, yet he loves me as if I were the only one he ever created. He is right--I don't understand. But how grateful am I to be the child of a such a compassionate, loving, forgiving father!
I've still a ways to go--the hole I've dug is extremely deep--but I will continue to use this time to catch up with this man who is unceasingly interested in everything about me. I will look up with a renewed hope at the sight of him leaning over the edge, taking such pleasure in our conversation. I tell him a silly thought I have, and he laughs, saying he enjoys my sense of humor--he created it along with the rest of my personality. I smile as think to myself...perhaps these pits we so often find ourselves in aren't all bad.
Thank you Father for second chances, for infinite second chances. You are so good. You created me so that I might bring you pleasure and you stand by with divine patience and incomprehensible love. Thank you. Please Father, mend broken hearts and restore relationships that are crumbling. Above all I long to bring glory to you, to live my life as a never ending act of worship that pleases you. Your will be done, Lord. You are sovereign. YOU are sovereign. Renew my strength in my time of need and be a source of comfort in this time of sorrow. Teach me new things. Share your plans with me. Be near to me, Lord. I desire to walk alongside you and bring you with me where I go. Make me slow to anger but firm in my convictions. Hear my cries, but don't allow me to dwell. Use me however you please. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.
Over all the earth, you reign on high; every mountain stream, every sunset sky. But my one request, Lord my only aim, is that you'd reign in me again. Lord reign in me, reign in your power; over all my dreams, in my darkest hour. You are the Lord of all I am, so won't you reign in me again?
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