A Baker’s Dozen consists of thirteen bagels. A Bagel Bunch has eight bagels. And to be honest I don’t even know how many bagels are supposed to go into a Bagel Pack…six maybe. These special bagel deals that the bakery I work at are supposed to save customers money, and ultimately increasing our revenue.
Yesterday, a woman approached the counter, and I instantly inferred from her disheveled look and blank expression that this was not her day. I—in an attempt to be chipper—smiled and asked the woman what I could get her. She paused just long enough to make the moment awkward, and then grumbled that she’d take seven bagels. Well, clearly, this was annoying. Why in the name of everything holy would this woman knowingly choose to order a seven pack of bagels when she could get eight for a better price? So, assuming she had simply made a mistake, I asked if she meant she wanted a Bagel Bunch. She looked at me like I had just asked her how much she weighed. Obviously offended, she sighed dramatically and repeated that no she did not want a Bagel Bunch, she wanted seven bagels. My cheerfulness was wearing thin and things were going downhill very quickly.
As I stood there, burning holes into this ridiculous woman with my eyes, our company’s motto came to mind: the customer is always right. No matter what. Do anything the customer says. As I considered this, I realized just how insane this rule is. Obviously, the customer is actually not always right, because after examining the situation from all angles, I concluded that this woman was wrong. She was just wrong. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb here; not only is the customer not always right, the customer is almost NEVER right. A few seconds later she pulled me out of my thoughts with another irritated sigh. I took a deep breath and politely explained to the woman that only an idiot would buy seven bagels when she could get one extra bagel for a cheaper price. She responded very irrationally by dramatically demanding to speak to a manager.
Now, granted, I am nearly incapable of patience, but this woman would have pissed Ghandi off. I found myself infuriated by her stubborn stupidity and I silently cursed her as I walked to the back to find my manager.
I know she did it just to spite me. I’m absolutely certain of it. The manager explained to her the exact same thing that I had only a few moments ago, yet, this time her eyes widened and I could practically see the light bulb floating above the woman’s hollow head. She smiled and said of course she’d like to purchase the Bagel Bunch, and why hadn’t someone told her that in the first place! Was I speaking in Swahili? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.
Now that we’d avoided the Bagel Bunch crisis, it was time for her to select which flavors she wanted. Here we go, round two. Ma’am, I said, what kinds of bagels would you like?
What do you mean? I just want eight regular bagels.
Oh ok, so eight plain?
No! I don’t want them all to be plain, just some.
Ok…so what about the others?
Just give me some of everything.
It was unclear to me at this point whether she wanted several bagels of all different flavors, or several of our “everything” flavored bagels. It took roughly twenty-two days for us to get everything settled, but eventually she took her stupid bagels and stalked out of the store.
I handled it fairly well, I think. I charged her for a dozen and gave her the original seven. Go ahead, lady, make my day.
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