My Heart Belongs to Thee

I find myself extremely frustrated right now. Sometimes I don't understand other peoples' actions or the thoughts that lead to them in the first place. All I know is my own heart and my own thoughts, and though my track record isn't a fantastic one, I am trying to make sure that my actions are carefully considered beforehand and glorifying to God.
Today I was challenged--my thoughts and actions were both challenged. I felt that I was inaccurately judged and became very angry. I felt an intense need to defend myself to this person, but I also felt that doing so would not help anything. God is teaching me that he is to be the only one that I aim to please, and that I am to work to bring him glory, by loving him first and his people second.
I was also forced to think about the impression that I give off to other people, and I realize that I need to make some changes. Sometimes I feel that, while we are called to carry each others' burdens, we as humans aren't very good at it. We grow tired of hearing the complaints and sorrows and lamentations and hurts of other people. After a while we become short with each other and want those with issues to "snap out of it" or "get over it." Some are more patient than others with this type of thing (I know that what I say is true because I was raised to have a "no pain, no gain" mentality and have a very hard time being patient and empathizing with others). So where is the line between sharing one's heart with others and allowing our struggles to be kept between only us and God?
God knows my heart, which means he knows that I do my best to trust that his timing is perfect regardless of how I feel about it. He is also aware of my heart and its hurts, joys, and deepest desires.
I've realized that I have to be careful with how much I share with other people; not in an attempt to be dishonest or deceiving, but rather as a way to make sure that I am not depending on anyone but God to fulfill me and have the answers that I am looking for. Sharing too much can complicate things and I've had to learn that the hard way. Even when people have the best of intentions, they're only human, and therefore aren't capable of fully understanding another person's heart the way our Creator does. As a result they make inaccurate assumptions about what others are thinking and feeling. Because we are all prone to these mistakes in judgment, we must all be aware of what we are sharing with other people and how our actions are being perceived by others.
I think my mistake was looking to people for comfort rather than praying and letting God know what was going on and allowing him to take care of me. Being comforted by other people is not wrong, but when one is depending upon them alone for comfort and reassurance it becomes a problem. I was letting God in on what was going on, but I wasn't doing a good job of being in his word and allowing him to comfort me and bring me peace.
So, here is yet another goal I have: to find solace in God alone, to remember that I am answerable to him alone, to empathize with and love his children to the best of my ability; and to share my struggles with my brothers and sisters with care, making sure that I am clear and striving to bring glory to God and not myself.

Social Butterfly? Not So Much.

While I am very ready to go back to school, to the dorm room that has become my home, and resume my routine, I have found myself rather discouraged and overwhelmed by what awaits me there. Or rather, what doesn't await me. I've been asked questions about school and my classes and my sorority countless times, by friends, parents of friends, relatives, everyone. My answer is always a variation of "School is great. I'm really enjoying it. I'm very happy there." It's not that this answer isn't true--I do enjoy school, and I am happy at UNT--I've simply left out part of the truth. When I answer their questions I leave out the part about how I'm lonely; how I spent most of the last semester alone in my room. The hard part for me is that I enjoy being alone. Of course I get lonely sometimes, but on the whole, I am ok with spending the majority of my time alone. Now, I say this is the hard part because, while I don't mind the solitary, I need to get connected, to make friends where I am and find a community of people that will support me and help me grow.
This next semester I plan on doing exactly that. I have no doubt that it will be difficult to leave my comfort zone and meet new people, but I feel that it's something I have to do. If I'm going to serve God and love him, I must also love the people around me, for they are his children, as am I. I have to learn to invest in other peoples' lives. God is teaching me so many things; I feel that if I share these teachings with other people, they might also be enriched and encouraged. I long to know the hearts of the people around me; I desire to invest in them, to have an impact on their lives in the name of Jesus, that he would use me to reach other people. But I don't know how this will ever be a possibility if I stay in my room, sharing my thoughts only on paper.
So, this being said, my goal for this next semester is to spend time with the people around me. To meet some classmates and join a study group; to spend time with my sorority sisters and support them in their endeavors; to cherish these last months that I'm living with Liz and use them to learn her heart and be an encouragement to her.
I don't think it'll be easy at all. But I do think that God desires me to do this, and my prayer is that ultimately I will bring him glory in doing so.
Whew. Here I go.