Like You Have Loved Me

Oh, what a broken place this is. I find myself discouraged by just how hopeless the world seems to be. I walk around campus and my eyes fill with tears, not because the lack of belief is so clearly evident, but because I am such a part of it; in fact, I fit in perfectly. God calls us to stand out, to be disciples, and yet I seem to blend in to the gray faithlessness of the world more and more. I absolutely believe in Jesus, but it appears that I care nothing about sharing this faith with other people.
For a long time I believed that in order for me to share Jesus with other people, I had to first have my own stuff figured out. How lame of a cop-out is that. None of us are ever going to have our stuff together, so me using that excuse was synonymous with not following God's call simply because I didn't feel like it. God wants to use me to open the hearts of my brothers and sisters, but I don't feel like sharing him. Souls are at stake, but I don't really feel like it. Maybe Tomorrow. How disgusting.
I am fully aware of and humbled by the fact that God does not need me to do anything. My sharing his word with other people and talking to them about the God of the Universe is completely unnecessary to God. If he wanted to, he could think it and make someone believe. So I am utterly useless. But the incredible part is that he desires to use me! God wants to allow me to be a part of bringing his children to him; he wants to grow and mature me through missional living. What a beautiful and honoring privilege that I have so carelessly and insultingly ignored. Rather than sharing Jesus' truth with others I have allowed sin to dictate my actions. I have done what I wanted, when I wanted it.
How dare I treat God that way? He is my creator! He put air in my lungs and loved me before I even existed. So how dare I spit in his face by acting the way that I have.
Without pride, I make the assumption that I am not the only child of God who feels this way. So much of the time I think we take advantage of knowing that we are saved, that we're good...and forget that there is a world full of people around us who are hopelessly lost. Why do our hearts not break over this? Perhaps we don't understand the weight of the truth--those who are not saved are going to spend eternity in hell. Eternity. In hell. I think that many of us, as believers, need to step it up and practice what we preach, or rather share what has been preached to us by Jesus. My prayer is that we would feel a desperation for those around us; that our hearts would break for those who have not claimed Jesus as their one and only saviour. And that when our hearts do break, we would overflow with love for our brothers and sisters--the love that comes from a heart that is consumed with the Holy Sprit. I desire more than anything to bring pleasure to my Lord's face, as do all of us who understand what he has done for us. So what have we to fear? The king of the universe is on our side, remember?

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
~Hosanna, Hillsong United