For Caitlin

Dear Caitlin,
Did you know that when baby twins are sick the nurses will put them together in one incubator because when they're together, they get better faster? I believe it. Though I never got the chance to know you in the way that we typically think knowing someone means. But I also don't feel that I can say I never knew you. I say this because every year on the day you left us I wake up feeling tired and sad and distant, and I wonder what on earth is wrong with me. Something causes me to become emotionally overwhelmed, and then it hits me; I remember. Today is your day. I miss you terribly without even realizing it, so how could I possibly not have known you?
Mom says that we used to talk to each other. A coo would come from one crib, waiting to be answered by the other. I still talk to you often, and though I can't hear your soft replies anymore, I feel them. Your presence in my life is unmistakable. I ask you questions, some that I'm scared to know the answers to. Are you proud of me; of who I've become? Do you miss me? Do you think we'd still look just like each other, at nineteen? How did I get so lucky?
Sometimes when I see a pair of twins I become envious, wondering why it was that you had to leave me so early. But luckily God is incredible and sovereign, and you, sweet sister, are one of his precious babies! I don't understand it, but I trust that Jesus has this, and I find joy in knowing that everything that happens in this life happens for a specific purpose. A loving and all-powerful purpose. And you are no exception.
So, dear sister, know that I think of you often, and I miss you tremendously. I thank God for the two months that you were with us; for the joy that you brought our family in the time that you were allotted. I can't wait to see how your little story is used to touch lives and bring glory to our creator. In fact, it already has.
I love you Caitlin, and you will always have your reserved spot in my heart.
Your sister,
Claire