Psalm 139

Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I stand up; you understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; you are aware of all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it, Lord. You have encircled me; you have laced your hand on me. This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.
Where can I go to escape your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I live at the eastern horizon or settle at the western limits, even there your hand will lead me; your right hand will hold on to me. If i say, "Surely the darkness will hid me, and the light around me will become night"--even the darkness is not night to you. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to you.
For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.
God, how difficult your thoughts are for me to comprehend; how vast their sum is! If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with you.
God, if only you would kill the wicked--you bloodthirsty men, stay away from me--who invoke you deceitfully. Your enemies swear by you falsely. Lord don't I hate those who hate you, and detest those who rebel against you? I hate them with extreme hatred; I consider them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way."
Psalm 139

The bold part of this scripture is verse fifteen of the psalm. In another translation, the verse reads like this: "my bones were not hidden from you, when I was made in secret and sewed together in the depths of the earth. " This is the verse that I'm focused on right now. The notion that I am here for a specific purpose, that I am not sitting in this chair by accident, is a wonderful one that I take great comfort in.
So often I get distracted and lose sight of my goal. I forget what I'm supposed to be focused on. I've realized that the I am happiest when my eyes are set above, on the one who not only knows my future, but planned it out specifically for me. I need God to tell me who I am, so when I forget to look to him, I ultimately lose sight of myself--this only leads to sadness, confusion, frustration, and stagnation. The world is a maze, and without instruction from the one who can see the entire thing at once, making one's way is extremely difficult, if not impossible.
I put a piece of thread around my wrist so that I will be reminded when I see it that I am not a mistake; that the God of the universe sewed my body together with his own two hands. I pray that I will be reminded that, like the piece of thread, I am only a small part of something much larger than myself. I am a part of God's story, a member of his family. And thankfully, I am not in charge of my own life--I tried to be for a while and nothing good came from that; only hurt.
To the best of my ability, I am putting my faith in God, trusting that he knows what's best for me and will fulfill that in my life if I let him. It's just that...sometimes it's so hard to be patient and not take things into my own hands. While I know this solution is destined to fail 100% of the time, yet it is tempting, nevertheless. Sometimes I get tired of waiting for the things that I so desire--if avoiding temptation was easy, we as humans wouldn't be in this mess that we've found ourselves in. So I'm praying that the Lord will make me steadfast, so that I may be faithful and allow him to have my whole heart and my entire life.
There is one thing that I am certain of--his plans are better than mine.