To See The World and Other Things

"When you are everywhere, you are nowhere. When you are somewhere, you are everywhere." -Rumi

I want to travel. I really, really do. I just haven't quite figured out exactly how to make that happen yet. The ambition and desire and readiness are there, however the money is another story, to say the least. And by that I mean I don't have any.
I think I have always wanted to be somewhat of a wanderer, however, with graduation and real life steadfastly approaching, my instincts keep telling me that time is running out--if you don't do now you'll never do it! I am fearful of becoming stuck in some awful boring desk job and never having the time or resources to do any travelling. In a perfect world I would be like Elizabeth Gilbert and Frances Mayes and Bill Bryson who get paid to travel and write about it (not to mention their writings are published in bestselling memoirs). If only.

I have found that there exists this mental/emotional conflict that grows inside me the closer I get to graduating. It just feels as though once this chapter of my life ends, my options as far as what I can do will diminish as well. Logically I know that this largely isn't true, but either way I can't shake this urgent feeling that I am running out of time. It is scary to think that I will graduate, teach my swim lessons, get a different job, and be there forever. Why can't I teach my swimming lessons, take the money I earn, and spend a year traveling...and worry about the rest later? Perhaps that's quite irresponsible but it's what I want to do. What better way to gain some writing material than taking time to immerse myself in other cultures and learn from those experiences? Right? Hint, hint Mom.

My main focus right now is trusting that God has a plan in store for my life, and that all I really need to do at the moment is listen and follow him the best way that I know how.

Also, if anyone wants to give me a present, I love the National Geographic travel guides. Just a side note.

The Hiatus and Now

As is obvious from the immense gap between recent posts on here, I've taken a rather lofty break from blogging. Don't ask why, because I don't know. A lack of words was not the problem--there was plenty to say--however for whatever reason I chose not to go through the conversion process; that is turning thoughts into words.

That being said, much has happened throughout this year-ish of off time. Namely, I began my last foreseeable semester of college yesterday. As exciting as this is, I've also found that it is doing interesting things to my emotions. And when I say interesting, I'm really just using a more flattering word for insane. I have been feeling a little insane lately. Sometimes I feel super-fantastic about where I'm headed, all in control and dandy; whereas other times it seems that crawling under a large rock and hiding until the rapture feels more appropriate. Point being, it's going to be a fun semester.

I am now teaching two yoga classes and a spin class at the UNT rec center, and so far I love my job. I mean hello I get paid to workout and help other people do the same. What could be better? Speaking of which, I'm going to get onto to my soap box now. Here I go. Stepping on. Do you currently practice yoga? If you answered yes, big hug, way to go! If you answered no, however, frown. Hands on hips. Why exactly not? Yoga is an incredible practice when done correctly and it offers so many benefits! I'll name some because I know you're secretly wondering behind the eye rolls. Strength, balance, flexibility of course, but beyond the physical realm also exist a deep sense of calmness and relaxation, happiness, and even a relief from depression if you happen to be dealing with that. Yoga goes far beyond twisting your body up into impossible poses (which I would never make you do). If you allow it to be, it can be a fantastic spiritual practice that assists the mind-body as a whole. If you're confused now, I suppose you'll simply have to attend one of my classes at the rec, or the next nearest class you can find. And cycle is great too. Okay, stepping off of soap box.

I plan to be around more often again. I've missed writing, and what better time than my last semester before real life slaps me in the face? None, I think.

P.S. here's a yoga pose to get you started. One of the classics. If yoga was the Bible, Downward Facing Dog would be one of the big, important books like Genesis or Matthew. You need it to get it. It's a great foundational pose that generally takes place several times in any given yoga practice. To get into the pose, come onto your hands and knees, place your palms firmly on your mat (or the ground whatever) fingers spread wide. Now curl your toes under, lift from your hips and straighten your legs and arms. Ta daa! Your gaze should be down, neck relaxed--no straining! Down Dog will stretch the backs of your legs and strengthen your upper body all at the same time. It's good for all sorts of things: cramps, headaches, lethargy, menopause, high blood pressure, asthma, sinus issues...like I said, one of the big books. So try and tell me what you think!


photo taken from yogajournal.com

What's Your Secret?

So there's this movement called PostSecret. People write their deepest, darkest secrets on postcards and mail them in to the PostSecret headquarters, and then they are photographed and put onto the PostSecret website as well as inside books. I am a huge fan of this movement. There's something about reading other people's secrets that makes me feel...scandalous, like I'm reading something I shouldn't be. Probably a little immature, but nevertheless, true. Anyway, I have one of the PostSecret books and I was reading through it earlier, which inspired me to make this post. Here are some of my favorite secrets:



"My butt sweats when I get nervous."

"When you were in the ICU, I took your picture.
I wanted you to see what you looked like, so that you might go into rehab.
I never showed you the pictures, you never went to rehab, and I never forgave myself.
I am so sorry."

"I lick the inside of microwave popcorn bags."

"I'm a cheerleader, but secretly I deal drugs."

"I drool. A lot."



"In elementary school, I started lying and telling everybody that I was allergic to peanuts. This is my first peanut butter cup in years. I had to eat in my car so my fiance wouldn't see. He thinks I'm allergic to them too."

"Sometimes I wish I didn't believe...so I could stop feeling like I am just disappointing Him."

"We haven't spoken since that night. It was an accident. I swear!"

"I wish I had not tried to grow up so fast. I feel like I missed some important parts of young adulthood.
He left me anyway."

"I miss you and I love you,
but I don't know who you are.
YET."

We The Redeemed

I got to see Hillsong last night at Hannah's home church and they were incredible. They sang Hosanna, which is one of my very favorite songs ever, and the experience was such a blessing. But they've also got a fairly new song out called "We the Redeemed" that is totally the song of my heart at the moment. Here are the lyrics:

There is nothing like your love
No exchange for all you gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know a love that saves' great song!

And now forever to belong
To walk with you for all my days
There's no greater love from this
You are the author and the way

This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the king
Our hope is in you

This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the king

Singing
Glorious, glorious one
You have saved us
Honour and power and praise to the savior
You are the answer
You are the answer

You come with power, come with fire
As we lift your name on high
Join with all the saints to sing
Bringing honour to the king

Glory his glory has won
He will save us
Honor and power race to the savior
You are the answer you are the answer

We The Redeemed hear us singing
You are holy you are holy

I think my favorite line in the whole song is "You are the answer," because it couldn't possibly be more true. We're constantly searching for answers as to how things work, why things happen, who we should trust--He's the answer. To all of our questions, our cries, our pleas, our shouts. I'm praying that all of us would remember this truth; that when something down here doesn't make sense, we would look up for the answer.
People make mistakes, disasters happen, things get ugly; but nevertheless we shouldn't allow them to get complicated. No matter how confusing, twisted, heartbreaking the problem, the answer remains simple. Jesus.
Just give them Jesus.

The File Cabinet Men

It has recently occurred to me that not everyone's process of metacognition works the way mine does. What I mean is, not everyone thinks about the way they think in the same way I do. See, in my head there is a multitude of tiny men surrounded by tiny four-drawer file cabinets. These file cabinets contain every single fact and detail and emotion that I currently possess. (Apparently I'm subconsciously sexist because there are no File Cabinet Women. Only men. Perhaps this is because a bunch of women crammed in a small space together would become catty and hurt each others' feelings, making things quite inefficient for processing thoughts.) Anyway, each tiny man, or FCM (short for File Cabinet Man), is in charge of his own file cabinet. So, for instance, there is a specific FCM who knows things like my name, my address, and other general information about me; there is another in charge of math and yet another in charge of, say, rage.
These FCMs are generally very good at what they do, and rarely drop the ball. However, there are moments. For instance, on one occasion, a Random Facts FCM is casually organizing his files when, to his utter dismay, he comes across a file labeled, "Psychology Paper Due Monday." This isn't mine! Frantically, he asks the FCM in charge of dates what day it was. When he confirms that it is indeed Monday, the Dates FCM consults with the FCM in charge of school classes and syllabuses, who confirms that yes, there is in fact a paper due in psychology at 11:00. Now, these three run across the maze of file cabinets to find the FCM in charge of recent activity. No, he says, panic across his face, I've no record of any paper being written! We have no psychology paper! At this point there are FCMs running around everywhere in a flurry of files. The Bullshit FCM is called in to come up with enough information to formulate a paper, and then hands it off to the Grammar and Punctuation FCM who scans it for errors. Once the paper is complete and satisfactory, a team of Emotions FCMs comes in and calms everyone down. Within an hour, files have been put back into place and everything is once again in order. A ball was dropped, but the recovery was quite impressive.
There are also times when the FCMs happen upon some sort of glitch and become confused. This is, predictably, most common in the Emotions Department. The Laughter and Appropriateness FCMs are prone to arguments. Often the man in charge of laughter will register that something is funny and insist that I laugh; concurrently, the Appropriateness FCM is trying to stifle him with a file that tells him that this is in fact NOT an appropriate moment for laughter. Therefore, some laughs make it through while others do not, resulting in ridiculous snorting sounds that the Embarrassment FCM blushes at. Glitches are also commonly found in the anxiety file cabinet. The Anxiety FCM will read a file that says, "Biology Test Thursday" and begins to panic. Are we prepared for this?! He runs to the Recent Activities FCM who assures him that the test has been prepared for, but when the Bullshit FCM says that he is trying to pull one over on him, a fight breaks out between the three. Anxiety FCM runs around screaming while Bullshit and Recent Activities argue over whether the file that claims studying occurred is legitimate, or if it really belongs with the False Hope FCM. See, this is where things get complicated. In order to sort this out, the Anxiety FCM will need to visit the Logic FCM, who will convince him that my GPA will not plummet with one bad test grade, and that this is not his fault. The Bullshit FCM will need to be calmed down as well, and the Recent Activities FCM will have to have a meeting with the False Hope FCM in which they will decide the ultimate fate of the file. Obviously, The File Cabinet Men are still learning to work with each other, though overall they do a pretty good job.
Not only do these minuscule men have to constantly be on their game, but they must also deal with the curves I throw at them. The Caffeine FCM is responsible for knowing exactly when and how much caffeine that I've consumed and then pass memos out to the other FCMs telling them to work faster. Recently, I decide that I will not have any caffeine one day. This makes Caffeine FCM VERY angry. He has no job to do now, and is bored, so he sits on top of his file cabinet and does nothing. When the other FCMs, who are working very hard, see this and become irritated. Well if he's not going to do anything, I am most certainly not going to bust my butt to get this stuff done. Now I've got a bunch of pissed off FCMs and, consequently, a terrible headache. Needless to say, my Caffeine FCM is highly persuasive and capable of easily throwing things off kilter.
When I begin drinking vast amounts of water, the Bodily Functions FCM, who is pressing for a bathroom break, wants to drop kick the Recent Activities FCM when he informs him that I have, in fact, just had another liter of water. Once again Logic FCM must drop what he is doing and explain to Bodily Functions that Recent Activities is only doing his job by reporting my recent activities, all the while Caffeine FCM is hollering at everyone to hurry up and do what they need to do.
My File Cabinet Men are focused, ambitious little people, and work very hard to keep functioning properly in society. So, if you ask me a question and I do something that seems irrational, chances are there's been a glitch and several men are trying their hardest to fix it as soon as possible. If you would be so kind, simply wait a few moments while they sort things out and then graciously repeat the question. Etiquette FCM says thank you.

The Origin of Life (The real one)

My Contemporary Biology teacher believes that he is a very funny man.
He is not.
Perhaps, however, I am biased because I find him to be very offensive. Specifically, I find his blatant disrespect for Christianity offensive. He did warn us in the first class that if we were "religious" he would probably offend us--you might say this justifies his behavior because we were forewarned. I, however, see it as an excuse for him to be rude and opinionated.
This man does not simply teach evolution and the big bang because are the "scientifically accepted" theories. He teaches these things and then goes on to make fun of those who believe in creationism. And it is truly infuriating.
He is a small man, one might even call him puny. Wears his pants too high and has large glasses. Basically, I could kill him easily, which makes it even harder to sit there in class and allow him to insult what is my truth, the very essence of what I believe in.
Do people honestly believe that there just so happened to be a giant explosion of random gases in the universe, which created the planet, which was full of random gases, that, over a billion years, converted into proteins which somehow turned into a cell and that all of the world came from that cell? And not only this, but we happen to be just the right distance from the sun so that we don't freeze or burn, and we happen to have just enough gravity to keep us down without imploding. My, we humans are quite lucky, aren't we?
I realize that this is a relatively pointless entry, but I feel much better having written it. My only wish is that I could learn this information that the university requires me to know without being insulted in the process.
I also find myself saddened that those in the class who don't know Jesus are hearing falsities about who they are and where the came from. My prayer is that they would find the truth--that we aren't all the result of a spontaneous explosion; that we were created for a purpose by a loving God; that we aren't simply organisms who are born and die, as science would have them believe.

What I love, and am so thankful for is that we have all the answers we will ever need on earth in the bible. I don't have to look for scientific evidence and make a hypothesis and perform an experiment and whatnot. God has given us the answers...all we have to do is believe them.

Genesis 1

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness covered the surface of the watery depths, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. god called the light "day," and He called the darkness "night." Evening came, and then morning: the first day.
Then God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters, separating water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above the expanse. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky." Evening came, and then morning: the second day.
Then God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. God called the dry land "earth," and He called the gathering of the water "seas." And God saw that it was good. then god said, "let the earth produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds." And it was so. the earth brought forth vegetation: seed-bearing plants according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Evening came, and then morning: the third day.
Then God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night. They will serve as signs for festivals and for days and years. they will be lights in the expanse of the sky to provide light on the earth." And it was so. God made the two great lights--the greater light to have dominion over the day and the lesser light on the earth, to dominate the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. Evening came and then morning: the fourth day.
Then God said, "Let the water swarm with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So God created the large sea-creatures and every living creature that moves and swarms in the water, according to their kinds. He also created every winged bird according to its kind. and God saw that it was good. So god blessed them, "Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the waters of the seas, and let the birds multiply on the earth." Evening came, and then morning: the fifth day.
Then God said, "Let the earth produce living creatures according to their kinds: Livestock, creatures that crawl, and the wildlife of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. So God made the wildlife of the earth according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and creatures that crawl on the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.

So God created man in His own image;
He created him in the image of God;
He created them male and female.

God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. rule the fish of the sea, and the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth." God also said, "Look, I have given you every seed-bearing plant on the surface of the entire earth, and every tree whose fruit contains seed. This food will be for you, for all the wildlife of the earth, for every bird of the sky, and for every creature that crawls on the earth--everything having the breath of life in it. I have given every green plant for food." and it was so. God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. Evening came, and then morning: the sixth day.

Brandon's Story

So, I was recently hired as a writer for the North Texas Daily, and tomorrow morning my first story is going to run in the paper! Lauren's boyfriend Brandon is really awesome and he's biracial, so the story is about him and his experiences as someone of mixed race.
Here it is:

When music education senior Brandon Nase smiles, his eyes grin also, revealing his gentle disposition. He possesses a stunning voice and passion for music. Less evident, however, is the fact that Brandon is biracial and has faced challenges in his life that most will never experience.
Brandon, whose mother is white and father is African-American, grew up in Amarillo, Texas. “I’ve never met my dad, because he left before I was born. He found out my mom was pregnant and he told her she needed to get an abortion,” Nase said. His mother had been living in Houston with her father and stepmother at the time, though, when she was pressed to get an abortion by Nase’s father as well as her own father, she moved away to Amarillo to be with her grandmother. When Nase was a few months old his mom married his stepfather Tony, who is also African-American. “Things growing up were rough,” says Nase, “My mom and stepdad had a lot of problems and there was a lot of emotional and verbal, and sometimes physical, abuse and so therefore my stepdad and I didn’t really have a relationship. I didn’t like him because he was mean to my mom.”
During his childhood Nase often felt discrimination. He said, “When I was little and my mom went to the gym, she would take us to the nursery and then were numerous occasions when she came back to get us and the other kids would say, ‘You can’t go with her! She’s white and you’re black!’” Nase was also marginalized at the local swimming pool. “One time I was at a swimming pool and I was holding on to the ladder and one of the guys in the pool told me to move and get out of the way and said, ‘Ugh. You people.’” Nase said, “I was like ‘What do you mean, you people?’”
Dr. George Yancey, of the sociology faculty said, “Biracial individuals face pressure from both of their parent’s racial groups. They often have to prove their loyalty to the minority group while still facing discrimination from the majority group. When asked whether he relates to one group more than the other, Brandon said, “I think that I probably am more, well, I grew up with my mom’s family and they’re all white so that culture is more familiar to me than the typical African American culture. And it’s obvious that I dress like a white boy.” Brandon’s girlfriend, music education sophomore Lauren Weldin, snickered and said, “When we’re driving and he gets really bad road rage and that’s when his ‘black’ comes out. We’ll be driving and someone will cut him off and he’ll be like ‘Oh no they didn’t!’”
Weldin, who is white, said she was shocked when she found out Nase was biracial. “He sent me a picture of his family,” Weldin said, “and I was like, ‘Your mom’s white!” Both Nase and Weldin agree that his white upbringing gives them some common ground in the relationship.
Nase said, “All of my friends assume she’s white before I even tell them, because that’s how I come off to them, as a white person.”
Nase said though he was raised among and relates to the white culture, his brown skin causes him to stand out. “I would have friends whose parents would be like, ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not acceptable,” he said, “’He’s black and you’re white.’” His freshman year, a girl asked Nase to attend her sorority’s date party with her. A few days before the event, however, she called and claimed one of her good friends had come to town and she felt obligated to attend with him. Later, Nase found out the girl’s father told her that were she to attend the date party with Brandon, he would stop paying for her education.
“It has nothing to do with me being biracial,” he said, “It all comes down to the color of my skin.”
Nase said, however, "This is who I am and I'm proud of that. Plus, I have great hair."