The File Cabinet Men

It has recently occurred to me that not everyone's process of metacognition works the way mine does. What I mean is, not everyone thinks about the way they think in the same way I do. See, in my head there is a multitude of tiny men surrounded by tiny four-drawer file cabinets. These file cabinets contain every single fact and detail and emotion that I currently possess. (Apparently I'm subconsciously sexist because there are no File Cabinet Women. Only men. Perhaps this is because a bunch of women crammed in a small space together would become catty and hurt each others' feelings, making things quite inefficient for processing thoughts.) Anyway, each tiny man, or FCM (short for File Cabinet Man), is in charge of his own file cabinet. So, for instance, there is a specific FCM who knows things like my name, my address, and other general information about me; there is another in charge of math and yet another in charge of, say, rage.
These FCMs are generally very good at what they do, and rarely drop the ball. However, there are moments. For instance, on one occasion, a Random Facts FCM is casually organizing his files when, to his utter dismay, he comes across a file labeled, "Psychology Paper Due Monday." This isn't mine! Frantically, he asks the FCM in charge of dates what day it was. When he confirms that it is indeed Monday, the Dates FCM consults with the FCM in charge of school classes and syllabuses, who confirms that yes, there is in fact a paper due in psychology at 11:00. Now, these three run across the maze of file cabinets to find the FCM in charge of recent activity. No, he says, panic across his face, I've no record of any paper being written! We have no psychology paper! At this point there are FCMs running around everywhere in a flurry of files. The Bullshit FCM is called in to come up with enough information to formulate a paper, and then hands it off to the Grammar and Punctuation FCM who scans it for errors. Once the paper is complete and satisfactory, a team of Emotions FCMs comes in and calms everyone down. Within an hour, files have been put back into place and everything is once again in order. A ball was dropped, but the recovery was quite impressive.
There are also times when the FCMs happen upon some sort of glitch and become confused. This is, predictably, most common in the Emotions Department. The Laughter and Appropriateness FCMs are prone to arguments. Often the man in charge of laughter will register that something is funny and insist that I laugh; concurrently, the Appropriateness FCM is trying to stifle him with a file that tells him that this is in fact NOT an appropriate moment for laughter. Therefore, some laughs make it through while others do not, resulting in ridiculous snorting sounds that the Embarrassment FCM blushes at. Glitches are also commonly found in the anxiety file cabinet. The Anxiety FCM will read a file that says, "Biology Test Thursday" and begins to panic. Are we prepared for this?! He runs to the Recent Activities FCM who assures him that the test has been prepared for, but when the Bullshit FCM says that he is trying to pull one over on him, a fight breaks out between the three. Anxiety FCM runs around screaming while Bullshit and Recent Activities argue over whether the file that claims studying occurred is legitimate, or if it really belongs with the False Hope FCM. See, this is where things get complicated. In order to sort this out, the Anxiety FCM will need to visit the Logic FCM, who will convince him that my GPA will not plummet with one bad test grade, and that this is not his fault. The Bullshit FCM will need to be calmed down as well, and the Recent Activities FCM will have to have a meeting with the False Hope FCM in which they will decide the ultimate fate of the file. Obviously, The File Cabinet Men are still learning to work with each other, though overall they do a pretty good job.
Not only do these minuscule men have to constantly be on their game, but they must also deal with the curves I throw at them. The Caffeine FCM is responsible for knowing exactly when and how much caffeine that I've consumed and then pass memos out to the other FCMs telling them to work faster. Recently, I decide that I will not have any caffeine one day. This makes Caffeine FCM VERY angry. He has no job to do now, and is bored, so he sits on top of his file cabinet and does nothing. When the other FCMs, who are working very hard, see this and become irritated. Well if he's not going to do anything, I am most certainly not going to bust my butt to get this stuff done. Now I've got a bunch of pissed off FCMs and, consequently, a terrible headache. Needless to say, my Caffeine FCM is highly persuasive and capable of easily throwing things off kilter.
When I begin drinking vast amounts of water, the Bodily Functions FCM, who is pressing for a bathroom break, wants to drop kick the Recent Activities FCM when he informs him that I have, in fact, just had another liter of water. Once again Logic FCM must drop what he is doing and explain to Bodily Functions that Recent Activities is only doing his job by reporting my recent activities, all the while Caffeine FCM is hollering at everyone to hurry up and do what they need to do.
My File Cabinet Men are focused, ambitious little people, and work very hard to keep functioning properly in society. So, if you ask me a question and I do something that seems irrational, chances are there's been a glitch and several men are trying their hardest to fix it as soon as possible. If you would be so kind, simply wait a few moments while they sort things out and then graciously repeat the question. Etiquette FCM says thank you.

The Origin of Life (The real one)

My Contemporary Biology teacher believes that he is a very funny man.
He is not.
Perhaps, however, I am biased because I find him to be very offensive. Specifically, I find his blatant disrespect for Christianity offensive. He did warn us in the first class that if we were "religious" he would probably offend us--you might say this justifies his behavior because we were forewarned. I, however, see it as an excuse for him to be rude and opinionated.
This man does not simply teach evolution and the big bang because are the "scientifically accepted" theories. He teaches these things and then goes on to make fun of those who believe in creationism. And it is truly infuriating.
He is a small man, one might even call him puny. Wears his pants too high and has large glasses. Basically, I could kill him easily, which makes it even harder to sit there in class and allow him to insult what is my truth, the very essence of what I believe in.
Do people honestly believe that there just so happened to be a giant explosion of random gases in the universe, which created the planet, which was full of random gases, that, over a billion years, converted into proteins which somehow turned into a cell and that all of the world came from that cell? And not only this, but we happen to be just the right distance from the sun so that we don't freeze or burn, and we happen to have just enough gravity to keep us down without imploding. My, we humans are quite lucky, aren't we?
I realize that this is a relatively pointless entry, but I feel much better having written it. My only wish is that I could learn this information that the university requires me to know without being insulted in the process.
I also find myself saddened that those in the class who don't know Jesus are hearing falsities about who they are and where the came from. My prayer is that they would find the truth--that we aren't all the result of a spontaneous explosion; that we were created for a purpose by a loving God; that we aren't simply organisms who are born and die, as science would have them believe.

What I love, and am so thankful for is that we have all the answers we will ever need on earth in the bible. I don't have to look for scientific evidence and make a hypothesis and perform an experiment and whatnot. God has given us the answers...all we have to do is believe them.

Genesis 1

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness covered the surface of the watery depths, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. god called the light "day," and He called the darkness "night." Evening came, and then morning: the first day.
Then God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters, separating water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above the expanse. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky." Evening came, and then morning: the second day.
Then God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. God called the dry land "earth," and He called the gathering of the water "seas." And God saw that it was good. then god said, "let the earth produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds." And it was so. the earth brought forth vegetation: seed-bearing plants according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Evening came, and then morning: the third day.
Then God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night. They will serve as signs for festivals and for days and years. they will be lights in the expanse of the sky to provide light on the earth." And it was so. God made the two great lights--the greater light to have dominion over the day and the lesser light on the earth, to dominate the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. Evening came and then morning: the fourth day.
Then God said, "Let the water swarm with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So God created the large sea-creatures and every living creature that moves and swarms in the water, according to their kinds. He also created every winged bird according to its kind. and God saw that it was good. So god blessed them, "Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the waters of the seas, and let the birds multiply on the earth." Evening came, and then morning: the fifth day.
Then God said, "Let the earth produce living creatures according to their kinds: Livestock, creatures that crawl, and the wildlife of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. So God made the wildlife of the earth according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and creatures that crawl on the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.

So God created man in His own image;
He created him in the image of God;
He created them male and female.

God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. rule the fish of the sea, and the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth." God also said, "Look, I have given you every seed-bearing plant on the surface of the entire earth, and every tree whose fruit contains seed. This food will be for you, for all the wildlife of the earth, for every bird of the sky, and for every creature that crawls on the earth--everything having the breath of life in it. I have given every green plant for food." and it was so. God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. Evening came, and then morning: the sixth day.

Brandon's Story

So, I was recently hired as a writer for the North Texas Daily, and tomorrow morning my first story is going to run in the paper! Lauren's boyfriend Brandon is really awesome and he's biracial, so the story is about him and his experiences as someone of mixed race.
Here it is:

When music education senior Brandon Nase smiles, his eyes grin also, revealing his gentle disposition. He possesses a stunning voice and passion for music. Less evident, however, is the fact that Brandon is biracial and has faced challenges in his life that most will never experience.
Brandon, whose mother is white and father is African-American, grew up in Amarillo, Texas. “I’ve never met my dad, because he left before I was born. He found out my mom was pregnant and he told her she needed to get an abortion,” Nase said. His mother had been living in Houston with her father and stepmother at the time, though, when she was pressed to get an abortion by Nase’s father as well as her own father, she moved away to Amarillo to be with her grandmother. When Nase was a few months old his mom married his stepfather Tony, who is also African-American. “Things growing up were rough,” says Nase, “My mom and stepdad had a lot of problems and there was a lot of emotional and verbal, and sometimes physical, abuse and so therefore my stepdad and I didn’t really have a relationship. I didn’t like him because he was mean to my mom.”
During his childhood Nase often felt discrimination. He said, “When I was little and my mom went to the gym, she would take us to the nursery and then were numerous occasions when she came back to get us and the other kids would say, ‘You can’t go with her! She’s white and you’re black!’” Nase was also marginalized at the local swimming pool. “One time I was at a swimming pool and I was holding on to the ladder and one of the guys in the pool told me to move and get out of the way and said, ‘Ugh. You people.’” Nase said, “I was like ‘What do you mean, you people?’”
Dr. George Yancey, of the sociology faculty said, “Biracial individuals face pressure from both of their parent’s racial groups. They often have to prove their loyalty to the minority group while still facing discrimination from the majority group. When asked whether he relates to one group more than the other, Brandon said, “I think that I probably am more, well, I grew up with my mom’s family and they’re all white so that culture is more familiar to me than the typical African American culture. And it’s obvious that I dress like a white boy.” Brandon’s girlfriend, music education sophomore Lauren Weldin, snickered and said, “When we’re driving and he gets really bad road rage and that’s when his ‘black’ comes out. We’ll be driving and someone will cut him off and he’ll be like ‘Oh no they didn’t!’”
Weldin, who is white, said she was shocked when she found out Nase was biracial. “He sent me a picture of his family,” Weldin said, “and I was like, ‘Your mom’s white!” Both Nase and Weldin agree that his white upbringing gives them some common ground in the relationship.
Nase said, “All of my friends assume she’s white before I even tell them, because that’s how I come off to them, as a white person.”
Nase said though he was raised among and relates to the white culture, his brown skin causes him to stand out. “I would have friends whose parents would be like, ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not acceptable,” he said, “’He’s black and you’re white.’” His freshman year, a girl asked Nase to attend her sorority’s date party with her. A few days before the event, however, she called and claimed one of her good friends had come to town and she felt obligated to attend with him. Later, Nase found out the girl’s father told her that were she to attend the date party with Brandon, he would stop paying for her education.
“It has nothing to do with me being biracial,” he said, “It all comes down to the color of my skin.”
Nase said, however, "This is who I am and I'm proud of that. Plus, I have great hair."

Excuse me, Ma'am?

“Excuse me, Ma’am?”
As I turn around I can see him walking towards me on the subway. My grip tightens around my bag and immediately I know it. This man is the one.

Our first date is flawless. I choose a rather flashy red dress and begin to doubt my decision in the taxi, but when he looks at me my apprehension melts and I feel beautiful. He tells me of growing up in Braselton, Georgia where his daddy worked as a water operator and his mamma cooked fried chicken every Friday. He explains that at eighteen he left Braselton for NYU with an academic scholarship, where he studied medicine. I am enthralled with his eyes, deep blue like the ocean, wishing I could swim in them.
Exactly one year later, we are married in the plaza. The wedding is beautiful, three hundred in attendance. He doesn’t particularly care about flowers but he has gorgeous centerpieces that are full of beautiful and extravagant flowers because he knows that I love them. We say our own vows, promising to love one another for as long as we can. We sip champagne together in the limo and dance our first dance as husband and wife. In this moment I love him more fiercely than I imagined possible. We honeymoon in Paris and have the time of our lives. He tells me that this is everything he has ever wanted, that I am who he’s waited for his whole life. Our kiss under the Eiffel Tower is one that I will remember forever.
Spring arrives, and with it is our firstborn, a blue-eyed baby girl. Her daddy stands at the edge of her crib and gazes at her as she sleeps. When she is older he swings her up onto his shoulders and carries her downstairs for pancakes every Saturday morning. Her blonde curls are tossed and wild from sleep, her blue eyes deep and penetrating, just like her father’s. As I watch her laugh at daddy’s silly face, I am amazed that this beautiful creature came from me. I hang her art on the refrigerator, three stick figures drawn holding hands in front of a purple house. In the next years we have two more children, each just as stunning as the last.
When the kids are older they bring their families over for Christmas Eve and we eat a brilliant roast and sing carols and open presents. Our grandkids run around with their cousins, whom they haven’t seen in a long time, showing off new train sets and brushing dolls’ hair. I lean into my husband and smile; what more could I possibly need in life than this?
At sixty he retires and we spend a month traveling around the world. We drink beer in Germany, ride a gondola in Venice, and swim in the clear waters of Greece. We are more in love than ever, having experienced the joys and trials of life together. Though we are growing older, I look forward to these later years, in which we will slow down and enjoy quiet hours together.
A few days before his eightieth birthday he dies suddenly of a heart attack. I am devastated and feel a pain more intense than I have ever experienced. As I sit in his funeral I reflect on the life we’ve spent together and though I am heartbroken I begin to feel lighter, knowing that I have lived a life so wonderful that I would do him wrong not to be joyful. I stand at his grave and smile, thinking of the day when we will reunite and continue our life together, never having missed--


“Excuse me, Ma’am? Your coffee is leaking onto your skirt.”

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in my a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

~Psalm 51

How privileged we are to serve a God who is so loving, so full of compassion, that he is willing to overlook our darkness and see us as the beautiful beings that he created us to be. God offers this burden-lifting grace freely, and yet all to often we refuse to accept it. Whether it be pride, ignorance, guilt, fear; we allow these things to consume us and stifle the voice of our Savior, who has been saying all along, "My child, let me have it. I'll take care of it for you. Let me have it. Let. Me. Have. It."
Let us come before our God and lay our lives down at his feet. When we do this he will restore us. The God of the universe will gladly mend hurts and restore broken souls--all we have to do is ask.

Thank you, Jesus, for carrying the weight of our sins. Thank you for healing us, though truly we deserve death. Thank you for loving us enough to pull us out of the stormy waters when we faithlessly become afraid and cry out. Thank you that we will never have to face anything alone.

"You take my mourning,
and turn it into dancing.
You take my weeping,
and turn it into laughing.

You bring restoration,
You bring restoration,
You bring restoration,

To my soul."

A Woman's Week At The Gym

I received this in an email and thought it was too funny to not share...Happy workouts, ladies!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!


TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mil e. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me..


WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying..

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.


THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?


SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

For My Mama

Mom,
A few days before I left for school, you gave me a gold piece of paper. It read:

Reflections of a Mother

I gave you life,
but cannot live it for you.

I can give you directions,
but I cannot be there to lead you.

I can take you to church,
but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right from wrong,
but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes,
but I cannot make you beautiful inside.

I can offer you advice,
but I cannot accept it for you.

I can give you love,
but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to share,
but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect,
but I cannot force you to show honor.

I can advise you about friends,
but cannot choose them for you.

I can advise you about sex,
but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell you about alcohol & drugs,
but I can't say "No" for you.

I can tell you about lofty goals,
but I can't achieve them for you.

I can teach you about kindness,
but I can't force you to be gracious

I can pray for you,
but I cannot make you walk with God.

I can tell you how to live,
but I cannot give you eternal life.

I can love you with unconditional love all of
my life... and I will.

Love,
Mom

That piece of paper is magnetized to my desk, right above my computer, so that I may see it often and think of you. Though I think of you and how gracious I am to be yours, I have yet to respond to your sweet words. So I will now.

Reflections of a Daughter

You gave me life,
Thank you for patiently allowing me to live it my way, however messy it got

You gave me directions,
Thank you for supporting me even when I chose a different (wrong) path.

You took me to church,
Thank you for making sure I was there even when I said I didn't want to be; I'm glad I went.

You taught me right from wrong,
Thank you for sometimes allowing me to learn the hard way, and thus, truly learn.

You bought me beautiful clothes,
Thank you for reminding me that though I looked beautiful, it was my heart that counted.

You offered me advice,
Thank you for patiently repeating it several times when I refused to listen the first.

You gave me love,
Thank you for giving it even when I acted indifferent (I wasn't).

You taught me to share,
Thank you for so selflessly sharing with me.

You taught me respect,
Thank you for being such an easy person to honor.

You advised me about friends,
Thank you for lovingly reminding me of who I was when I tried to be someone else.

You advised me about sex,
Thank you for teaching me the value of purity, and trusting me to choose it on my own.

You told me about drugs and alcohol,
Thank you for allowing me to answer for myself.

You told me about lofty goals,
Thank you for supporting me in all of mine and encouraging me always to aim high.

You taught me about kindness,
Thank you for being my role model.

You prayed for me,
Thank you for teaching me to walk with Him.

You told me how to live,
Thank you, because I was able to choose eternal life.

You have loved me unconditionally and always will,
Thank you.

Because you first taught me to love, I can and will do the same.

I love you,
Claire

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.