Excuse me, Ma'am?

“Excuse me, Ma’am?”
As I turn around I can see him walking towards me on the subway. My grip tightens around my bag and immediately I know it. This man is the one.

Our first date is flawless. I choose a rather flashy red dress and begin to doubt my decision in the taxi, but when he looks at me my apprehension melts and I feel beautiful. He tells me of growing up in Braselton, Georgia where his daddy worked as a water operator and his mamma cooked fried chicken every Friday. He explains that at eighteen he left Braselton for NYU with an academic scholarship, where he studied medicine. I am enthralled with his eyes, deep blue like the ocean, wishing I could swim in them.
Exactly one year later, we are married in the plaza. The wedding is beautiful, three hundred in attendance. He doesn’t particularly care about flowers but he has gorgeous centerpieces that are full of beautiful and extravagant flowers because he knows that I love them. We say our own vows, promising to love one another for as long as we can. We sip champagne together in the limo and dance our first dance as husband and wife. In this moment I love him more fiercely than I imagined possible. We honeymoon in Paris and have the time of our lives. He tells me that this is everything he has ever wanted, that I am who he’s waited for his whole life. Our kiss under the Eiffel Tower is one that I will remember forever.
Spring arrives, and with it is our firstborn, a blue-eyed baby girl. Her daddy stands at the edge of her crib and gazes at her as she sleeps. When she is older he swings her up onto his shoulders and carries her downstairs for pancakes every Saturday morning. Her blonde curls are tossed and wild from sleep, her blue eyes deep and penetrating, just like her father’s. As I watch her laugh at daddy’s silly face, I am amazed that this beautiful creature came from me. I hang her art on the refrigerator, three stick figures drawn holding hands in front of a purple house. In the next years we have two more children, each just as stunning as the last.
When the kids are older they bring their families over for Christmas Eve and we eat a brilliant roast and sing carols and open presents. Our grandkids run around with their cousins, whom they haven’t seen in a long time, showing off new train sets and brushing dolls’ hair. I lean into my husband and smile; what more could I possibly need in life than this?
At sixty he retires and we spend a month traveling around the world. We drink beer in Germany, ride a gondola in Venice, and swim in the clear waters of Greece. We are more in love than ever, having experienced the joys and trials of life together. Though we are growing older, I look forward to these later years, in which we will slow down and enjoy quiet hours together.
A few days before his eightieth birthday he dies suddenly of a heart attack. I am devastated and feel a pain more intense than I have ever experienced. As I sit in his funeral I reflect on the life we’ve spent together and though I am heartbroken I begin to feel lighter, knowing that I have lived a life so wonderful that I would do him wrong not to be joyful. I stand at his grave and smile, thinking of the day when we will reunite and continue our life together, never having missed--


“Excuse me, Ma’am? Your coffee is leaking onto your skirt.”

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in my a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

~Psalm 51

How privileged we are to serve a God who is so loving, so full of compassion, that he is willing to overlook our darkness and see us as the beautiful beings that he created us to be. God offers this burden-lifting grace freely, and yet all to often we refuse to accept it. Whether it be pride, ignorance, guilt, fear; we allow these things to consume us and stifle the voice of our Savior, who has been saying all along, "My child, let me have it. I'll take care of it for you. Let me have it. Let. Me. Have. It."
Let us come before our God and lay our lives down at his feet. When we do this he will restore us. The God of the universe will gladly mend hurts and restore broken souls--all we have to do is ask.

Thank you, Jesus, for carrying the weight of our sins. Thank you for healing us, though truly we deserve death. Thank you for loving us enough to pull us out of the stormy waters when we faithlessly become afraid and cry out. Thank you that we will never have to face anything alone.

"You take my mourning,
and turn it into dancing.
You take my weeping,
and turn it into laughing.

You bring restoration,
You bring restoration,
You bring restoration,

To my soul."